Still need a costume idea for Saturday? At all costs, avoid throwing on a long brown wig, toting around a framed picture of Billy Ray Cyrus, throwing peace signs and twanging, “It’s Miley, y’all!” Why would you when you can go as Creepy Clown Girl (pictured above)? Note: You’ll need a pal with you dressed as the TV.
Why the mask, Creepy Clown Girl? Were you embarrassed about being seen reenacting Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” video? You couldn’t have been as embarrassed as your co-dancer, who opted only to have her hand pictured, or the TV, who really had no say in its starring role in the performance, or Purina, which accidentally sponsored the whole thing.
Here’s why this guy makes my stomach turn: It’s not the sight of his pasty, shirtless man boobs – or his equally pasty butt (at the 1:24 and 1:28 marks if you want to shield your eyes). It’s not the erratic, spazzy dance moves. It’s not even the off-base lewd gestures – though, sure, all those things definitely help. It’s the strong hunch I have that this guy sees this as serious foreplay for the sex he’ll obviously never have with women he’ll probably never meet – unless they happen to wander into his windowless basement apartment. As you know, his parents live right upstairs.
Perhaps you’ve reached the point where you’re asking yourself, “How exactly do they pick the awesomely bad videos for Not Very Talented?” Well, I’ve gotta tell you – it’s not as easy as it looks. Here’s a little sampling of what it took for this post:
Colleague: Hey, aren’t you supposed to be looking for videos of bad singers and stuff?
Me: I am.
Colleague: That’s a dog.
Me: I know, right?! It’s like, learn how to sing, dog. AM I RIGHT?!
Colleague: I dunno. I think he sings pretty well for a dog.
Me: Uh, no. I mean, hello? B-flat? Come on! Just look at how embarrassed his dog friend looks.
Colleague: [blank stare]
In honor of Halloween this week, I give you something even scarier than the new scariest movie in the history of ever. No one since tigers has paired black and orange together so brilliantly, all while dancing her face off. Shockingly, this is the exact same routine and outfit that did not earn her a callback for Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” video. Clearly our loss.
Boss walks in while you’re updating your Facebook status? Minimize the window and click on the spreadsheet you have standing by. While you’re on the phone with the significant other? Pretend you’re ordering printer cartridges. While you’re kneeling on your desk over your laptop, lip-synching to a Backstreet Boys song with your co-workers? “Uh, we were just working on a, um, PowerPoint presentation…”
@notverytalented
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